Jaz (mestup_emo_punk) wrote in 27kisses,

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TITLE: In My Life (I'll love You More)
AUTHOR: Me! mestup_emo_punk/Baguettes Crack on gcfanfics.com
RATING: NC-17 [overall]
SUMMARY: 25 year old Benji is bored with life. He wants to be a parent so badly. Instead of adopting a little child as he planned to, he finds himself drawn to a 16 year old punk, Joel.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, sadly.
NOTES: Thank you, my lovely reviewers for giving this a chance! I'm really grateful. This is for you. Benji and Joel's roles are reversed a little. Benji is the reserved one and Joel is the out spoken punk here.
**In this chapter we get a glimpse of Joel...

Chapter One: Well if you wanted honest, that's all you had to say

Benji's POV
Part Two a: Acting Strong Only on the Outside

I took off work today to go to the orphanage. I wanted Tony to come with, for moral support, but he refused, saying that he had plans. I know the truth. He doesn't like orphanages and he doesn't like children. Put them both together and you've got a living hell for Tony. I don't really mind. Tony may be sarcastic, pull pranks on you, and make fun of you, but deep inside, he's great guy and I'm proud to call him my friend. He has more of a party life, I guess. He's all into the loud punk music and crap like that. Music is okay, but it's not my life. My job is. Maybe that's why I'm so bored. I have no fun.

The orphanage is on 122nd Highland Street, about twenty minutes from my house. I left around noon. My appointment with the head of the orphanage was at 1:00, so I had plenty of time.

I'm dressed in a black suit. I have to look decent. I can't arrive in my boxers, now can I? My dark hair is getting long. I hope that they don't think I'm some kind of beatnik or something! Then they wouldn't give me a chance!


"Mr. Madden, I am glad I can finally meet you! You seem like such a nice guy over the phone!" Mrs. Jones beams as I step inside the little orphanage. Mrs. Jones is the head of Happy Souls Orphanage and we have been talking over the phone for weeks, planning this.

I smile and shake her hand after kissing it. I'm a polite man, what can I say? "Mrs. Jones, I'm glad to meet you too. Today is going to change my life. I can't wait." I'm really excited about this.

Mrs. Jones smiles back and says, "Oh, no, dear. Call me Molly."

She is nice. Her blonde hair fits her blue eyes, which are twinkling in delight. "Then you must call me Benjamin," I insist.

"Okay, Benjamin. Now do you want to see the children?" She asks, fully aware of my answer. I have time to only nod before she pulls me inside.

The orphanage is a little small. It's a two story house. The first floor, I assume, is where the kitchen is and the second floor must hold the bedrooms. I follow her into a large room in the back of the house. Inside are about ten kids, all at different ages.

"I'll leave you alone so you can talk to them," she says softly. Her voice is louder as she speaks to the children. "This is Mr. Madden. He is hear to adopt one of you, so be on your best behavior! I'll be back in thirty minutes," she adds, looking at me. I nod and watch her leave the room, a little unsure of what to say. The room is full of children's voices and laughter.

"Hi Mr. Madden," a little boy says, smiling shyly. He looks around six. His brown hair is messy and little long, too.

I kneel down next to him. "Hello, but please call me Benji. What is your name, little buddy?" I ask. Benji is an easier name to say and remember.

"Matty," he says, smiling widely so I can see the gap in his front teeth. How cute. "Can I show you something?"

I nod, grinning. Little kids are so adorable! "Of course you can, Matty." He grabs me by the hand and leads me to the back of the room to a little box of toys.

"Can you play with me, pwease?" he asks me eagerly, eyes sparkling with mirth.

"Yes, but not now. I want to check out the others. Do you mind?" I ask softly. I do really want to see who else is here. He grins and nods. He clings to me legs and I laugh. "Can you show me around, Matty? Tell me who's who?"

Matty laughs. "Yep!"

I scan the room as he points to everyone. He points to a little blonde girl with her hair in piggy tails. "That's Martha. She's this many," he says, holding out five fingers.

I laugh and ruffle his hair. I look around again. There's a pair of cute Mexican twins. There is also a little black boy playing ball with a red headed boy. They are all too adorable. How can I chose one? I look around me and I spot a teenager in the back corner.

Matty frowns slightly. "That's Joel. He's a meanie."

I can't take my eyes off of him. He's clad in black. His hair is ink black and spiky. His eyebrow is pierced and I wince. I wonder if that hurt. He's wearing short sleeved shirt that says "Rancid" on it, showing off his tattoo on his arm. How did he manage that? He has headphones on and I can hear the loud music. It sounds like the kind of music Tony listens to. I used to have the same tastes of music when I was in high school, not too long ago. I put down Matty. "I'm going to talk to him, okay?" Joel, huh? I thought his name would be Spike or something.

Matty pouts. "He won't like you. He's mean!"

I don't know why I'm drawn to Joel. Part of me wants to talk to him, but part of me wants to ignore him. He's obviously a trouble maker. He's wearing eyeliner! Girls wear that! He's... beautiful. I shake my head as I walk toward him. No, I can't think that way.

"Hey," I say, standing in front of him. I can see him better now. His brown eyes are looking me up and down, glinting with suspicion. His eyes show that he's been hurt before in the past. I can tell immediately that he's not very social or popular. Just like I was when I was his age.

"What do you want?" He spits out, glaring at me as he takes off his headphones.

How can he be so hostile to someone he's never met before? I bit my lip and say, "Just to talk to you. My name's Benji. Matty over there told me your name is Joel. How are you doing?"

He's still glaring. His lips are pressed in a small, tight line. He looks irritated. "Well, Matty's a little douche bag. Yeah, I'm Joel. Now that we've introduced ourselves, can you leave me alone?"

I almost laugh at his sarcasm. "No, I want to talk to you," I say anyway.

"Why? Go bother a cute little kid. I'm sure your aching to take one of the brats home, right? That's what all you rich, snobby suits and ties want," he sneers.

I'm taken aback at his bluntness. "Why are you so rude?" I ask, frowning. "I just want to talk."

"About what? You don't even know me!"

There's something about him that makes me want to hug him. He's so defensive and rude. It's like he doesn't want to open up. But again, I'm a stranger and he probably doesn't trust me at all. Plus, if I did hug him, he'd probably think I'm trying to rape him or something. I'd never do that. "How old are you?" I ask, ignoring his bitterness.

"That's for me to know and you to never find out! Leave me the fuck alone!" This time he doesn't sound as mean as he does annoyed.

"Joel, fine. If you don't wanna talk to me, I'm not gonna make you. I just wanted to know you better, but I guess you're better off alone. I'm sorry that I wanted to make conversation," I say, defeated. I give him one, last look before turning away. His eyes are closed tightly, his arms wrapped around his thin torso. I feel bad. I don't want to come off as rude. My heart aches at his bitterness, it's like he has something to hide. Either that or he's just a rude little shit. I'm going with the first guess.

I sigh walk towards the doors. Matty stops me. "Benji, where you going?"

I smile despite myself. "I'm going to talk to Mrs. Jones far awhile, k?"

I wait until he nods and runs off to play with a little group of kids. For some reason, Joel's face won't get out of my mind. Him pushing away is only wanting me to get closer. I want to know what caused him to be here. I want to know ... him. It's not in a perverse way at all. He makes me wonder.

"Benjamin? Are you done talking to the children?"

I'm sitting in her office. "Yeah, for now. Can you tell me more about Joel?" I'm hoping she'll give me more information.

Her eyes narrow at the mention of his name. "Ah, Joel. He's not the best child to adopt. He has been in some, er, troubles in the past. He's very antisocial."

"How long has he been here?" I ask, sitting straighter in my chair.

"Almost all his life, ten years. His mother died and his father. He couldn't afford to raise him so Joel was dropped off here, just like most of the children here. I wouldn't recommend him."

My mind is racing. What is wrong with Joel? If you ignore the rude comments and icy exterior, he's just another teenager, growing up without a real life. I can't allow myself to ignore him. My parents raised me good, but sheltered. My teenage years were horrible. I didn't have much friends and didn't go out at all.

"Something happened to him," I say softly.

She looks surprised. "Yes, something did. He won't tell me what. It happened just before he arrived here."

I need to make up my mind. Now. Should I take him under my wing or should I forget everything about him and his troubled past and adopt Matty? I wanted a young child, but now I don't know what I want.

Joel reminds me of myself when I was younger. My parents kept me supervised all the time and I hated it. I went off and did some crazy things that I'll never do again. As I got older I learned that they did that for the best. I was antisocial, too. I even went and got my lip pierced! Can you believe that? When I graduated high school, I straightened up and went to a nice college.

Can I help Joel get back on track? By the looks of it, he's leading a life to nowhere. No one in their right mind would hire him with his attitude or even adopt him. What will he do when he's eighteen? Live on the streets and get into gangs?

"I want to adopt him," I say firmly.

Mrs. Jones gapes at me. "No, you don't, Mr. Madden. You're such a sweet, nice guy. I know you'll make a good parent. Why don't you adopt a younger child, one who deserves better? Matty really likes you. He's a good kid." She is practically begging me to leave Joel here. Now something is really up and I want to find out.

"No, Mrs. Jones. I think that Joel is a better choice. It would be easier for the both of us. I will put him school so he will be safe when I'm at work. I always have my friend Tony to help out if I need it. When I was in there, I thought that a young child would be better growing up with both parents, and only have myself." The last part just came to mind as I spoke.

She seems to give in, sighing, "If Joel is who you want to adopt, then so be it. I did try to warn you of what he is capable of. Don't trust him."

I don't say anything and wait for her to get the paper work. This is going to be a long day.

A/N: Yes, another short chapter! I'm going to continue this story. I'm really glad you guys gave this a chance. Cookies to anyone who figures out where the title of this chapter came from. I'll give you a hint-it's from a song, one I love. The livejournal cut text goes along with it, but it's not the same song. I know it's short. Deal with it. I'm working on a Tony/Pierre/David story I want to get done. And plus, I'm almost down with the other chapter for my twincest.

I don't really like this chapter. I'm kinda having a little twincest writer's block right now!

This will NOT turn into one of those Joel was molested/beaten by his father story. I promise you that. Stick with me if you want to know what happened in Joel's past. So yeah. The next part is in Joel's POV.

PS: Reviews are my air. Don't review and I... die. Yep. If ya hate where I'm going with this, please, tell me. If you have any suggestions, I'm all open. This chapter is crap. I think the next chapter is better...

Who wants to take a guess on what happened to Joel? Dedication in the next chapter who guesses right.

As you guys can tell, I really, really, need a beta!!!! Anyone dare to help?
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