RATEING:pg 13 i guess
SUMMARY:joel and billy have been together for quite a while but nobody knows its all lies and secrates so whats the reaction when it accidently all comes out in the open?
DISCLAIMER: i hate these things right if i knew or owned them do you really think id be sat here writeing these storys ...no i wouldnt so sadly i dont know and dont own never have never will and this is all from my sick twisted imagination
right this is the first 6 pages of my word document i know its long but i couldnt find a good place to cut off befor hand so ....oh and if you want me to send you the word document for BETA just ask id be more than happy please tell me what you think i know spelling and grammer sucks but im dislexic so please bear with me anyway try and enjoy
I looked at him from across the stage. I smiled there he was, he was mine. I looked at the crowd and smiled more all those girls there screaming him wanting him and that made me smile more because I could have him any time I wanted.
“YOU GUYS READY!?”
I snapped out of my day dream that was my cue to start playing. As I played I jumped around the stage I caught glimpses of him damn he looked good sweat dripping from him and his shirt clinging to his body. In all his glory there he was my Joel.
The show had finished and the stage had been trashed and the crowd had left the arena it was just us sat backstage well most of us Joel had been missing a while and was missing out on the usual after show talk.
“Well I think it went great,”
“Paul you think every show goes great
“That’s because every show does go great I think”
Here we go another Paul Chris “discussion” after every show the same talk “so predictable” I smiled as Joel’s voice came floating into my mind they really where that predictable
“The show would have been a lot better if Billy hadn’t been checking my brother out every five minuets”
that made me snap out of my thoughts I looked up at benji
“I was not”
“Billy don’t lie it doesn’t suit you,” he smiled
He was right I had been checking Joel out a lot but I wasn’t about to admit that,
“Im not lieing I wasn’t,”
“Billy I saw you!” his smile was getting bigger he knew he was right ….I hated it when benji knew he was right.
“Saw him doing what?” Joel had returned I looked up he’d gotten changed …damn
“We where just talking about the show and how-”
“-It would have been a lot better-”
“-if Billy hadn’t been checking you out every five minuets”
Joel looked away for a flash second I don’t think any one saw it but me but he defiantly looked away
“EW! BILLY GOD!”
he sounded convincing enough it hurt every time he said something like that I hated the fact we had to pretend that we weren’t together Joel had said he wasn’t ready to tell everyone that’s we where together that he was he ..he wasn’t sure whether he was gay or bi he was still deciding I guess but right now he was mine and had been for the past year and a half and I couldn’t tell anyone id promised him that I would wait until he was ready to tell before I did so now im sat here pretending that we weren’t together acting like I didn’t love him.
“Anyway as much as im loving this very intellectual conversation we are having” they where talking about stupid things you hate doing but do anyway and cant help doing…
“Im out of my mind tired im going back to the hotel” he stood up and stretched every one else did the same thing with mumbles and grunts as answers and agreements. I looked at Joel as he stretched and smiled I could just see his stomach as his shirt lifted up I smiled and grabbed my stuff and followed the others as they carried on their conversation .
“Joel! You ride with me?” Joel looks at benji then at me.
“Nah man Billy offered me one earlier im gonna ride with him!”
Benji smiled “you know he’s only doing it to get in your pants!”
Joel smiled too
“maybe but its still a ride!”
“Hey benj your only jealous because its not you I want!” both benji and Joel laughed
“Keep dreaming bilbo! Keep dreaming!” he got into his car and so did me and Joel we saw the lights of the 3 cars drive past us I looked at Joel
“I have to give you a ride to get in to your pants now?” we both smiled and I got the keys out of my pocket and looked at Joel again he was still staring at me I smiled a nervous smile
“You gonna go?”
I put the keys in to the ignition and leaned forward to turn the key then I was pushed back in to the seat and Joel straddled my hips and kissed me forcefully. Id been waiting for this all night I kissed him back passionately he opened his mouth slightly I took the opportunity and pushed my tong into his.
I loved the way jowl kissed me his amazingly soft lips against mine its drives me crazy every time. But suddenly they weren’t there any more I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He was unbuttoning my shirt I grabbed his hands and he looked up at me
He looked confused “what?”
“You said me checking you out was gross so if im not allowed to neither being you...”
I couldn’t help but smile at the look on his face
“oh you know I didn’t mean it I had to say something to shut benji up, I was very flattered when benji said that” he leaned in and leaned his head put his forehead against mine “ and I’ve gotta admit I did steal a few looks as well and I’ve got to say you looked damn good all sweaty with your shirt sticking to you chest he smiled ran his hands down my chest and kissed me softly I looked at him and smiled id never smiled as much as I had since me and Joel got together he just made me happy.
“You ass kisser” he smiled and got back into the passenger seat and said “it’s why you love me babe”
“I know” I started the car and pulled out of the car park and drove toward the hotel we where staying at then I felt Joel’s hand on my leg
“What are you doing?”
“Are you complaining?”
“then shut up and drive” I smiled and carried on driving toward the hotel I pulled in to the parking lot and parked up the car I looked at Joel and kissed him not hard but with passion , a loving kiss. He smiled as we broke apart and we got out of the car I opened the trunk and got my guitar.
Joel walked up to me and kissed me one last time before we walked into the hotel before I had to pretend again.
As soon as we where in the elevator we started making out again until his phone went off. He immediately moved to the other side of the elevator and answered it like the person on the other end of the phone could see us stood close…
“Yo…oh hey ……erm no we’re in the elevator ……no we ...went for a drive …..EW! BENJ NO! ….I don’t care he’s a guy benji that’s just sick...yeah well no! Ill see you tomorrow right bye!” he put the phone down.
That had hurt I looked down at the floor I knew it was lies but he told them so convincingly they where real all of this was a lie did that mean what I felt for Joel was a lie to?
“Billy?” I didn’t look up but I knew he was looking at me he knew I was upset
“Billy you do know I didn’t mean any of that” I was still looking at the floor “you do know that right?”
“yeah….of course I do” I was trying to lie to my self now the truth is I didn’t know how I felt about anything any more the only thing I was sure about was Joel but he wasn’t sure about me that cant be a good thing.
The doors opened and I walked out of the elevator Joel hurriedly followed me,
“So then why do I get the feeling that you do believe it?”
“Because you’re being paranoid,” I open the door to our room, we’d managed to talk benji into believing that the record company had fucked up and only booked 4 rooms instead of five and Joel had said that he couldn’t stand benji’s non stop talking in his sleep so he said hed share with me.
“Billy-” Joel stopped me walking in to our room
“What?” he turned me round and looked straight in to my eyes
“Billy I love you and that’s all that’s the truth and you know it” he kissed me and everything went a way all my doubts just washed away
“I know” I managed to say between kisses. He pushed me in to the room and shut the door behind us.
The moonlight shone into the room just lighting it up enough to see through the darkness, lighting up Joel’s sleeping face I laid there looking at him he was perfect. His perfect body laid in my arms pressed up against mine. I stroked his arm he smiled a little and I couldn’t help but do the same. He mumbled something under his breath and I smiled even more at how cute he looked just laying there talking away to invisible people and then I thought is he dreaming about me? I looked over at the clock it shone 2:30am in bright neon numbers – 2:30 man I was tired but I just couldn’t sleep all the things Joel had said that night kept floating in to my head “I don’t care he’s a guy its wrong!” “EW benji no!” he kept telling me that he loved me and that the things he said to the guys where just lies and he never meant it – but I wasn’t to sure those lies were to convincing that I was starting to believe them my self. I looked at Joel again
“Tell me what you feel because I relay don’t know,” I whispered before falling asleep
I woke up the next morning at 9am and neither I nor Joel had moved both still curled together. I smiled and slowly got up so that I didn’t wake Joel up. I got half dressed undecided whether to wear a t-shirt or a shirt I decided to do my make up first.
I walked in to the bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror I was pale and thin – I didn’t understand how Joel found me attractive but for some reason he did.
I finished doing my eye liner and walked back in to the room. Joel was sat up in bed I looked at him and smiled
“Now that’s a sight you wanna see in the morning” he got up and put on the trousers he was wearing the night before which had been just thrown off. He walked over to me and pushed his chest in to mine and leaned in to kiss me. BANG the door flew open and Joel jumped a mile back.
“Hey benj!” his voice was I little high pitched from the shock and panic
Benji looked from Joel to me slightly puzzled “what were you guys doing it looked like you where gonna-“
“EW BENJI NO! Billy thought he had something in his eye I was just looking for him isn’t that right Billy?”
“Yeah” I looked down at the floor again there they where those lies and now I was telling them too.
“God you got any closer Billy would have probably tried it on with you dude?”
“Yeah right benj I wouldn’t do that to Joel you know I wouldn’t!”
benji laughed he had it in his head that I had this crush on Joel and that was it because I did the stupid thin of going up to benji and saying “hey dude how you feel if I told you that me and Joel where together?” and benji being benji miss took it and thought it was just wish full thinking and I had a crush on Joel so now I have to tell that lie day after day to.
“Benji that’s fucking wrong dude, if Billy kissed me I think id throw up id never kiss a guy never, its just sick dude!”
Every single one of them lies felt like a dagger in my stomach. I walked over to my case and grabbed the first t-shirt that came to hand and put it on.
Benji was talking to Joel about some girl hed met apparently she was perfect for Joel and it was about time Joel had a decent fuck. Joel looked over at me – I was pretending to tune my guitar I didn’t look up but I knew he was looking at me.
I hated these lies I had to tell and listen to and live it hurt that I couldn’t tell any one that I loved Joel madden and was proud – I got up and walked in to the bathroom closed the door and locked it and sunk to the floor and put my head in my hands I felt like crying I hadn’t felt like this since 12th grade.
I heard benji leave and Joel knocked on the bathroom door
“Billy?” he sounded worried and cautious “Billy are you ok?”
“Go away Joel”
“Billy babe what the matter?’
Right there I couldn’t take it any more I couldn’t believe he didn’t know what was wrong with me how could he ask such a stupid question? I stood up and opened the door I was so angry I couldn’t stop my self
“What’s wrong with me?! Huh you wanna know what’s wrong with me!?”
Joel stepped back from the door hed never seen me this angry “yeah I do”
“YOU! AND YOUR LIES - OUR LIES THAT I HAVE TO LIVE EVERY DAY!” I was so angry I couldn’t help shouting “FOR THE PAST YEAR AND A HALF IVE HAD TO LIVE THESE LIES FOR YOU JOEL AND IM SORRY BUT I CANT DO IT ANYMORE! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS WHEN YOU STAND THERE AND TELL EVERYONE THAT THE THOUGHT OF KISSING ME MAKES YOU WANNA THROW UP?! IM SORRY JOEL BUT I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE I CANT TELL ANY MORE LIES I CANT LIVE THESE LIES ANY MORE! I LOVE YOU JOEL BUT RIGHT NOW LOVING YOU HURTS AND I CANT TAKE ANY MORE PAIN!”
there id said it all everything id spilled my guts out to Joel and he stood there looking at me as if I was an alien.
“Is that really how you feel?”
“Yes” I was looking at the floor my voice was suddenly so small.
He walked over to the case and grabbed a hoodie and put it on I looked up
“Where you going?”
“Out I need to think”
He opened the door and walked out he was gone out of my life maybe forever and he didn’t even look back. He didn’t even return later that night.
Well I got the reaction id been expecting well half of it id expected him to shout back and then walk out I stared at the spot where Joel had stood whilst id shouted at him and collapsed on to the closest bed ran my hands over my face and through my hair.
What have I done? Why did I have to explode like that? Why did I have to say them damn things to him? I looked at my hands there were black smudges running up and down them great and now I looked like Alice cooper gone wrong.
I sat up and walked in to the bathroom and looked in the mirror there was big black smudges running up and down my face I looked closer there was tears in my eyes. It hurt so much loosing Joel that I was crying I blinked the tears away and looked down id done this to my self to us to Joel….I washed my face and looked back in to the mirror. I walked back in to the hotel room and sat on the bed it was still unmade from the night before.
I dunno what time I feel asleep but I know I was awake most of the night waiting for Joel to come back but by time it got to 2:30 I couldn’t fight sleep anymore I tried to stay awake for as long as I could but eventually sleep won the battle and I fell into an uneasy sleep. I woke up at seven am I didn’t even open my eyes I didn’t want to get up things in my head where so much easier me and Joel were together and happy why are things always so much happier and easier in your head?
I opened my eyes to look round the room to see if there was ay signs of Joel then I realized I felt the warmth lying next to me I looked across the bed and there he was still fully clothed just lying next to me looking at me I stared at him couldn’t believe it he smiled
“Morning….” His voice was soft barely about a whisper
“What I thought when when did you??......”
“About 4 this morning I got back”
“listen Joel im sorry I didn’t mean to explode at you I didn’t mean what I said I understand why you don’t want to tell yet I get it really I do just please don’t be mad at me and please don’t leave me again I don’t think I could handle it again really I was going out of my mind last night when you left seriously I was,”
He just looked at me and smiled, I was totally confused id just spilled my guts out and he was smiling
“I know you understand Billy I do and I understand why you want to tell every one and that’s why I went last night I had to clear my head and I did because I was…… I was so unclear about every thing but I get it now im ready”
“WHAT!?” I couldn’t believe this was this Joel had he just said that or was I just hearing what I wanted to hear? “Do...do you mean that”
He smiled he was loving my reaction to this “yeah I mean it we’ve been together long enough I think im ready”
“Wait no…no don’t think, you have to know Joel you have to know you’re ready im not gonna let you do it unless you’re ready”
“Fine I know im ready”
“You think every ones gonna be ok with it?”
“Why shouldn’t they be we’re still the same people”
“Yeah I suppose”
Joel suddenly sat up straddled my hips and kissed me I kissed back passionately I pulled Joels shirt off. He grinned as he broke the kiss so I could get the shirt over his head, and leaned back dawn in to a more loving kiss.
“Joel…..WHAT THE FUCK!?”
Joel jumped and stood by the bed I sat up I saw Joel eyes go wide my heart was racing
“fuck” that’s all I could manage to say
“Benj I meant to tell you I was gonna tell you seriously I was we where just talking about it”